You have no control over how another person thinks or acts, but you do have control over how you respond to them. If you find yourself in a pattern of drama or conflict with a co-worker ask yourself, how have I behaved in the past? How has that contributed to the conflict? Realize that you are part of the equation too. Know that you can make a difference in the outcome by altering how you behave.
An Example of Managing Conflict
Tara is having a conflict with a co-worker. She has to get a report from Shannon on Tuesdays by 10 am so she can do her report and pass it along to senior management by 2 pm. Tara relies on this information and has a deadline from senior management. Each week when the deadline comes, Tara has no report. She is anxious because it is going to make her look bad. Tara calls Shannon to ask where it is. Tara’s tone as you can imagine is judgmental and frustrated. Shannon reacts defensively which causes a heated phone conversation. The report comes at the last minute each week which is causing Tara stress.
What Can Tara Do to Change Her Behavior to Better Manage the Conflict?
One way to handle this differently would be to talk to Shannon when things are not tense. Get curious about what is going on for her with the report and help Shannon understand how this affects Tara. Tara could ask how she can help or how the two of them could come to a solution that would work better for both of them. It is very rare that a person’s intention is to make another person’s life miserable or make them look bad. Often they have other pressures, priorities and frustrations that are causing them to do what ever it is that they are doing. If Tara can understand that and find a way to a resolution for the both of them it could make Tuesdays run a lot smoother!
Another way to handle this is to change these interactions by thinking of at least two things Tara can do differently when she is with this person. Examples include adjusting her tone of voice, changing her body language or offering to help in a way she has not in the past.
This Week’s Challenge
I encourage you to pick a person that you have a conflict with. Try to handle the situation differently by changing your mindset, getting curious, altering your tone, body language or just plain offering to help. I look forward to hearing how it goes!