I have studied Emotional Intelligence (EI), practice it whenever I can and can lecture on it for hours. There are people more expert than I on the subject, but you could say I am a fairly good practitioner. Or can you?
Even with some awareness of how to be Emotionally Intelligent, remaining aware, behaving appropriately and keeping it all under control is another matter. A few weeks ago, I was talking with someone who made me feel disrespected. The issue at hand was not personal on its surface, but it was my “feeling” that some people in this particular organization where trying “do something to me”. My Emotional Intelligence was telling me it was all in my head, but never the less, I felt what I felt. So, eventually, I found myself with an elevated blood pressure, a direct tone and saying some useless things. The nice person I was talking to maintained her composure and allowed me to vent. She showed such support and understanding and after a few moments I apologized to her for losing my composure. It happens, what can I say, I’m human.
So what happened? The “fairly good practitioner” of Emotional Intelligence demonstrates the ability of a small vegetable, maybe a pea. It is a strong person that can tap into how they are doing with situations, really be mindful of what is going on and dealing with them on an on-going base. It is even a stronger person who can maintain this kind of emotional intelligence all the time. The truth is that all of us have our limits. Reflecting on that day, three other things were competing with my emotions. My wife and daughter were on their way to California, I had my yearly physical in a few minutes and my son was calling about a ride home from college. The stimuli were overwhelming.
It is normal to lose it once in a while. What made this experience good for me, as it turns out, is that the person I was with demonstrated her Emotional Intelligence. Like anything else, the more of us that are practicing improves the likelihood of successful outcomes. We should see improvements in results, efficiencies and outcomes as more of us practice emotional intelligence.
Someday it may be you who loses your temper, and I’ll be there for you.