I have the honor of telling people “the Hard Truth” all the time. Sometimes it’s not the easiest thing to do, but it is the best gift I can give to them.
What is “The Hard Truth”?
It is letting someone know that what they are doing or saying is coming across in a negative way. This could be in remarks that they make, negative body language or behavior. If it has a particular impact on me, it may very well be viewed this way by others. If I don’t tell them, they may never know that this is the way they are coming across to the people around them.
The Question Is – How Do You Tell Them?
• Ask “Do you want some feedback? I know this is not your intention, but this is the way you are coming across.”
• Say, “When you do ____, it makes me feel or it make other feel _____.”
• Use a tone of voice that is sincere and supportive.
• If they are unaware of when this is happening, come up with a code you can use to at least bring it into their consciousness.
• Seek to understand. “When you do this, I’m curious – what is going on for you?”
It’s also important to remind them that you are telling them “the hard truth” because you care and you want them to know so they can improve the way they are communicating their message. After all, it is your duty as a friend, partner, coach or boss to tell them “the hard truth.” And it truly is the best gift you can give.