I look at what is going on in our government and I am saddened. Our elected officials see to only see Blue or Red. They have stopped seeing “the other side” as a person. There is no human connection to the delegates across the isle. Physically they are separated in all meetings and emotionally there is a huge crevasse. I hear “us versus them” all over the place. I believe that we all understand that these are heated issues but if we stop seeing our “opposing side” as evil, we will not connect with them and thus we will not come to a resolution.
In business when there is the “us versus them” conflict between two people or two teams, we have the opportunity to help by doing the following:
• Connect: Create a situation that allows for connection. That allows you to get to know the other person. See what they do outside of work, what their personal lives are like, what foods they enjoy, what music they listen to, what they do that is special or unique or just plain fun. If we see a person for who they are, it is easier to find something we either have in common with them or that we admire about them.
• Values: Think about what values that person or that group is honoring. Is it important that they are taking care of others, being good stewards of finances, spreading innovation, seeking knowledge or encouraging personal development? Understanding the value allows you to experience that person or group has good intent. With that we can feel more compassion and understanding to them even if we don’t have the same view on heated topics. We know their intention is good.
• Focus on Common Links: Start with what you agree on. We can all agree that we want to be prosperous, that we want to take care of certain areas of “the business” or that we want to make a difference in our work. Instead of pointing out all of the things you don’t agree on, find the things you do and start projects on and around those items. Getting some small wins in areas that you both agree on helps to build the relationship, understand the other person and see that you can do something positive together. This starts to build the framework of working together more effectively.
For the good of our country and the good of your businesses, I believe it is time for us to get people in a room and help them to learn first how to see each other as human. Creating connection, understanding values and focusing on the common links helps us to see the good intent and start effectively negotiating on heated topics. The outcome can change from a win / loose to a win / win which will be a benefit to all involved!