At a networking event a few weeks ago, I started a conversation with a woman. At first she came across as someone who was energetic, passionate and interesting. However, within minutes, I realized she was completely all about herself! She was listening completely inward to our conversation. Everything she said was all about her. It was obvious that everything she was thinking while I was talking was all about her too! I left the interaction feeling frustrated and completely turned off. When people listen from an inward perspective they are missing out on so much information and quite honestly they are missing out on a real connection with others.
It is easy to be in an inward listening mode. Below are several ways you can work to better listen from an outward perspective.
Set The Intention to Listen
Before entering the office or networking event, focus on how you want to be with others as a listener. My intention is to make it all about the other person. I imagine myself in a bubble with people so that when I am talking to them I am fully engrossed in the conversation. I also imagine that the spotlight is on the other person instead of myself.
Get Curious About the Person
What are they really saying? What is important to them about what they are saying? What values are they showing throughout the conversation?
Pause for Three Seconds Before Responding
It is okay to take a moment to think of what you want to say next. That way you don’t have to worry about doing it while the other person is talking.
Get Into Your Listening Position
Sit leaning toward the other person, face them and/or put away distractions. Create a good listening geography that tells your brain to stop and listen.
Notice Your Internal Dialog
Acknowledge when you are comparing everything to yourself. Put this chatter to the side and just be with the other person.
So this week when you are interacting with others, pick two of these tools and try implementing them. Notice how it is for you to listen outward. Was it easy or hard for you to do? What did you pick up from the conversation that you normally would have missed? What was the level of connection that you had with the other person? I look forward to hearing how it goes!