Feelings of resentment build up in many relationships because one side feels disrespected, slighted or unappreciated. This is human and normal. The problems begin when the one that feels slighted, does not express what is going on for them. They let the resentment build. This person does not want to start a fight or hurt the other person’s feelings. They wish to avoid the conflict and in doing so create a larger, stronger one. I can assure you that you can be honest and still do it in a way that is not hurtful or blaming.
Examples include:
• “I know it is not your intention, but when you are late it makes me feel like you don’t respect me.”
• “I am sure you are just busy, but when you don’t return my emails it makes me feel unimportant.”
The key part here is to say “when you do A I feel B.” Your delivery of this is important. It must not be in anger or out of wanting to hurt the others’ feelings. Your tone should be in your style but should come across as calm, soft and from a place of trying to strengthen the relationship. Say what you have to say and then listen to the other person. Often, they had no idea that it bothers you and probably are sorry that it does. They may have misunderstood something and thought they were doing what you wanted. But remember, our values are different, so sometimes how I want to be treated is much different from how others want to be treated.
The follow up to this might be some sort of request of what you want instead or how you both could handle the situation differently the next time. An example of this might be
“If you don’t have time to email a long response, just send a message letting me know you received my email and that you will respond with details as soon as possible”. That way the person knows the other person is trying. With these conflicts quite often there is no need for a next step because just venting and creating a new way of working around situations is enough to help people move on.