I wish it could be that, in business, we help people find the right fit. When it is time for someone to move on, wouldn’t it be better to go through this process with respect and care for that person? It is likely that they have served in their position and added key aspects which were needed at the time. Just because they have grown out of the position or the position has grown out of them, doesn’t mean they have to be torn down to a place of despair and darkness. What if the person or those around them could identify early on when it is time to move on and do something about it before it goes to that place of darkness?
What we see so often in our line of work is that the person, who is no longer the right fit, is actually suffering. They try so hard to try to make it work. Every day is torture for them because they feel inadequate. Their negative self-talk tells them that they are a failure, they have lost their touch or that they never had it to begin with. This person starts to behave badly. They get defensive when anything is mentioned about their work, they start to micromanage, they hold information so they can keep some semblance of power or they try to target others so that other people look worse than they do. This is a place of Fear! The behavior makes the team flare up against them, which only creates a larger snowball of behaving badly and having the team react badly.
It is hard on the person and it is hard on the team. The people are usually incredibly good people. They have good intentions – they are just off track.
Here is what you can do when you are in this situation:
1. If you are “the person” that is no longer in the right position for you or the team: Use the strategies in part 1 of this blog series to identify the problem and utilize strategies to try and make changes without leaving. If you try each of those changes and nothing is working, it is time to make the leap. Go internally to explore either through writing, meditating or taking down time to clear your mind. Work with your coach, mentors, colleagues and family to navigate through the change process.
2. If you are the boss or someone on the team: Do your best to approach this from a place of respect and one that preserves dignity. Put yourself in their shoes and think of how you would want to be treated if it were you (someday it is highly likely that it will be). Take this person out to lunch or coffee and have a conversation with them. Say what you are seeing happen to them and the impact you see it having on the person or the team. Ask questions like “What is going on for you?” “What is giving you energy? What is taking away your energy? “What do you need?” “What are you noticing from yourself or the team?” You could say something to the effect of “I care about you and want to see your incredible talent and energy used in a place that needs you.” Let them know you are there and often even if they are behaving badly. By having this conversation, they will see you as someone who is with them, not against them. Conversely, you will see them with compassion, knowing that they are just trying to figure it all out.
3. If you are a decision maker for the team in which you have “the person” working for you: Do something sooner rather than later. Often these decision makers don’t want to hurt anyone. They feel bad because they respect the person and what they have contributed to the team. They try so hard to make it work for that person. It may be hard now, but as my partner Russ has taught me, it is kinder to allow this person to get on the right path for them then it is to keep them there suffering the demoralizing process of being pushed out. After having the honest conversation described above, explore what is next for them. If it is leaving, find out how they want to do it and help support them. Work together to find them the next opportunity – the one that needs their unique talent and energy, where they can thrive and feel the purpose they once felt.
None of this is easy and sometimes we don’t even see it ourselves. It takes courage and willingness to stand in the fire for someone even when they may not know you are doing it in honor of them. I am curious when you have had this happen within your organization or in your career? What did you do? What do you wish you had done differently?