Define the Image That Represents Your Relationship
Think of how things are in your relationship with co-workers or your team right now. If you had to describe each individual relationship using an image, what would that image look like? Some examples my clients have used include:
• Two people standing near one another with one keeping the other at an arms-length
• A woman being crushed by a person on either side
• Two people standing next to one another. One appears to be talking while the other is just a faint outline.
Once you have the image in mind of how things are currently in your relationships, you can start working to improve upon them.
What Does Your Image Say About the Relationship?
Having a clear picture of how things are right now allows you to investigate what the implications are of that image. How does it make you feel or act when you come in contact with this person? In the case of the “arms-length”, my client was the one with her arm out holding her co-worker away. When asked what the implications were for this image, she said she acted cold and distant toward the person. We found that she literally turned to the side when talking to her in person, via Skype or even on the phone. My client was short with her co-worker and provided no personal information. The relationship was cordial but certainly not close.
What does your image say about the relationship you have with the person?
How Do You Want the Image to Look?
Now take a moment to imagine how you want your relationship to look. In the “arms-length” example, my client wanted it to be as if they were sitting on the beach, laughing and playing in the sand. In this image my client imagined that she and her co-worker would be making different castles but interacting from time to time, by showing each other what they had created. Other times they might be joking back and forth or warning the other when the waves were coming close to their castles. In any case there was a playfulness and ease which would be present between them. When you think of how you want your image to look, do not worry about how you will get there. Just allow yourself to be open to the possibility of it being the best possible relationship for all involved.
Act to the New Image
Once you have clarity on how you want this relationship to be, come up with clear action items you can do to help move toward this image. When you talk, Skype, email or snail mail you can shift your wording, tone of voice and even your posture to reflect the new vision. It will have an impact on the relationship and the connection you have.
If you can create behavioral changes, you will find that the outcome is much different from before! This week pick a relationship you want to improve. Take a moment to identify what is going on and then think about how you want it to be.