I recently met with someone who I honestly wasn’t sure if I liked. We had met several times and she came across in a way that was cocky and aggressive…two things that get me fired up! When she requested a meeting, I was a little nervous. After all, why would I even bother to meet her if I didn’t like her or didn’t have any intention of wanting to help her? Before we went for coffee, I centered myself around how I wanted to show up for our conversation. With this in mind, I decided to approach our interaction from a new place, one where I set aside the assumptions I had made about her. From this perspective, my only assumption was that I knew nothing about her. Essentially, I was giving this woman a clean slate in my mind. I decided that I would listen to her and focus on looking for the gift that she brings to the world. I wanted to learn what she is passionate about and how she expresses her passion.
Wow, did she surprise me!
I left the conversation truly seeing her as a good person, when honestly before I wasn’t so sure. Her style is very different from mine, but we both believe in many of the same things. She likes finding many solutions to a problem, she does not believe in “no” and will do whatever is needed to make something happen. Her view on people is that she believes they can do anything and is inspired by those that take on the world and win one small step at a time. Again, we are very much the same, we just get to these things in a different way. I looked at our different approaches in a way that was judgmental, when I should have just been seeing the gift that she is giving. And accept the fact that, in her own way, that she implements her passions.
So, the next time you are interacting with someone who your first impression was less than impressive, try doing the following:
1. Make an effort to get to know them one on one.
2. Come from an open perspective – stop assuming you know their type or that you already have the person figured out.
3. Identify their gifts or the value this person brings to the world.
4. Find the places where you both overlap, what beliefs you have in common.
How have you been surprised by someone once you got to know them? What did you do differently to shift your perspective of how you were approaching them?