Over the last year I have had several encounters with introverts that leads me to believe either:
1. I’m turning into a jerk
Or
2. I’m coming on like a freight train
The first is well, hopefully not the case. The second, I think is happening a lot. In these particular situations, we were brainstorming ideas. I get excited about coaching subjects and naturally my voice gets loud, my body language is on the edge of my seat, my energy is at a level 10. When I am passionate, it comes on like a mass of energy. I find myself unintentionally interrupting others, I am not listening to what they are saying and I feel like I am not being heard so I start talking more and I get louder. In these cases, I have offended the other people, so much so that it was detrimental to working together on the project at hand. It left me feeling rejected, disrespected and angry. If I put myself in their shoes – it is likely they felt like I was coming on like a cocky, arrogant jerk making them feel rejected, disrespected and angry too.
This is the last thing I would want to do to them! Here is how I am working on this:
Toning It Down: Still being passionate and excited to brainstorm (doubt I could prevent that) but letting others speak.
- Physically sitting back in my chair.
- Breathing 3 times before talking.
- Before walking into the meeting – I am centering myself on being calm and open to others. The image that resonates for me around this is being like a flower that is slowly turning and opening up to the sun.
Capture Thoughts On Paper: Writing down what I want to get across to others before the meeting. Making sure that it is down so I don’t worry so much about forgetting it. If it is during the meeting, I write it down quickly then put it aside.
Remember They Have The Answers: Letting go of thinking “my way is the only way” or that “I have the answer”. Sometimes, I think I subconsciously get wrapped up in wanting to make a meaningful contribution to the group and thus push hard to get the right answer or the “A”. Yet the moment I think I am the only one with ideas, I am turning others off because they feel disregarded. I am setting my intention on the idea that “They have the information I need”.
Introverts & Extroverts please help me. I don’t want to offend or shut others down. In fact, I genuinely feel I have a lot to learn from others. I just need to create the safe space for us to share. I look forward to letting you know how these changes in my approach have had as an effect on my outcomes. I would be curious to know about situations you have experienced on either side, how it feels for you and what you are doing to have a different outcome.