Here are five reasons its hard to get through a conflict at work and ways to address them.
Vulnerability: Letting someone know that you feel uncomfortable or even undermined by their behavior may make you feel like you are exposing too much of your own sensitive areas. It’s easier to keep chiding yourself, “get over it” or “stop being paranoid.”
Can you make a request for a behavior change without having to reveal your inner dialogue?
Unfamiliarity: Conflicts often arise early in a working relationship. Not knowing someone very well, also leaves room open for misinterpretations. In working with the head of an educational facility, I remember being put off by his tendency to put his hands on his hips and his blunt manner of speaking. Over time, I could see that this behavior meant he was engaged and coming from authenticity. Not that he thought himself a badass.
Can an issue be broached effectively with someone you don’t know very well? Is there a way to learn more about them?
Not Enough Time: Conflict doesn’t fit into a nice neat box, almost ever. Bringing an issue up for discussion might not ever happen because people may feel like they are running from one thing to the next with no time to breathe. Meanwhile, it’s under these more stressful conditions that conflict may fester.
Can a discussion about the issue be literally scheduled? Is it ok to start a discussion, table it and return to it later?
Unpredictability: Conflict by its nature cannot be calculated. Bringing up differences in opinion or confronting interpersonal strife can be messy. You don’t know where it might lead.
How can you optimally prepare yourself for not knowing how a situation is going to go?
Culture: Ever looked around your organization and wondered why certain behaviors or attitudes were being tolerated? You see everyone seemingly putting up with Bob’s tendency to interrupt clients or Sheila’s constant texting during meetings. You cope by trying to go with the flow. But what do you need to function well? How would it be to ask for it?