One of the first things I suggest to anyone who is passionate about their professional performance is to find a mentor. In fact, not just one, but many. The truth is that most successful people have coaches and mentors they use in a formal or informal way to reflect, learn and help direct their trajectory. Most times the recipient of this advice begins to ask what a mentor is, and then is perplexed about how to find one [or two].
Here is a brief summary of the differences:
Coaching:
Impartial and unbiased
Has a performance objective to reach a targeted goal
Directed by an agenda, the clients agenda
Gives direct advice, direction & expertise
Relationship stays primarily professional in nature, but with depth
Coaches are not mutually selected, sometimes assigned based on the opportunity or challenge
One way objective for success towards the client
The coach has an expert skill set in behavior, performance, and leadership
Three words that describe a coach are: expert, skillful & direct
Mentoring (similar, be there are important subtle differences):
Mentor is bias in the mentees favor, not necessarily impartial
Acts as a sounding board for reflection
Presents opinions usually based on experience
Shares his or her experience, and sometimes provides experience opportunities
Deeper personal interest in the mentee’s success
Mentors and mentees are self selected, mutually selected
There is a 2 way mutual benefit
Three words that describe a mentor are: Friend, confidant, sharer of information
While I have had several coaches, and maintain a few now, my mentors serve a very different purpose. They know me in a more personal way, like a best business friend, someone who will not go away after a few years. They usually become personal friends, and still check in even when I ascend to president. I might not take their advice, or even think that what they have experienced transfers to me, but they have demonstrated that they have done what I would like to do.
Two of my mentors have no idea they are playing that role. We never talk about the relationship, it is what it is, and it connects me to the world of leadership and business. With them I have accelerated my growth, and I am allowing them to think and learn with me. They are not experts in behavior, motivation or even my business like a coach will be, but they are experts in tacit and intuitive success. I still need to filter their advice, but I absorb their experience into my experience.
How to find a mentor is easy. Think about someone in your field or industry that you admire, pick up the phone and invite them to lunch. Tell them that you admire them, and that you would like to understand their success. In exchange, you’ll share your perspective too, and get to know one another. If they say no, you have your answer. Either they are not into the concept of collaboration, too busy, or see no value in it. Okay, no problem, they won’t make a good mentor anyway. A mentoring relationship is two way, so you both need to select each other. If they are not interested, call another person on your list. I think you’ll find that most truly successful people will say yes. If they say yes, open your conversation with your aspirations for your career, and ask them about their success. Listen, relax, and enjoy the relationship.
Think of mentoring as having a productive mutual relationship with another professional. If you connect, and there is mutual value, you have just accelerated your growth. It’s also a most rewarding process, if you can take the first step and pick up the phone.