“The more relaxed you are, the better you are at everything: the better you are with your loved ones, the better you are with your enemies, the better you are at your job, the better you are with yourself.”
—Bill Murray
Being able to relax is a hallmark of well-being. It’s also a key to happiness but the word relaxation sometimes gets associated with “slacking off” or “falling off your game”. But what if we were to define being relaxed as living in the awareness that we have the capacity to be with whatever meets us along the road. With this outlook, Mondays suck less, difficult situations lose their accompanying dread and we feel like we can let things flow.
Being reminded or even taught to take on a more relaxed mindset can happen when you talk with someone who encounters life with an approach that solves what we tend to hate and/or avoid. In other words, comprehending a viewpoint that isn’t tainted by our fears offers at least the possibility of looking at a situation from empowerment instead of though the lenses of stress and negative thoughts.
For example, Shelly struggles with anything that amounts to public speaking. Whether it’s giving a presentation in a manager’s meeting or just having to introduce herself in at a networking event, she often finds herself in a state of anxiety. Some of her angst could be traced to awkward moments in front of the classroom where words failed her and her peer’s disinterest made Shelly feel small, inept and unimportant.
About a year ago, Shelly began to work with Cecily, an introvert by nature but with the ability to speak confidently in groups when the occasion rose. Cecily’s attitude was, “Hey, lets have fun with this.” Shelly saw this as a truly novel approach. Having fun with anything related to work had never occurred to her. At first it made her feel like she was miles away from Cecily but after seeing Cecily in action, Shelly started to experience a shift. A voice inside that said, “I can make a game of this networking,” began to quiet the loud din of self-doubt. Just considering a playful approach took the edge off. After a few successes, Shelly began to feel at ease and more confident.
While Shelly has to find ways to remind herself to focus on a taking a lighter hearted approach since worry is her default mode, she finds that spending time in a more relaxed state has had a myriad of positive effects, the least of which is a fuller engagement with her life.